And then there were three...............

I knew I would have to write this post someday but I didn't think it would end this way.  Nitty is gone..........my sweet Nitty girl who was my guardian, my protector and my best friend........

 

 Not gone in the usual way that I thought we would say good bye.  I was up early yesterday morning.....3:00 a.m. and I always let Nitty out before I make my coffee.  I gave her fresh water and her dry food which I pick up at night so as not to attract any 'critters' into the garage. She went out and came back in to the garage and I closed the garage door.  I took my coffee and went back to my bed where I journal every morning.  I was about halfway done journaling when Nitty barked so I went to see what she needed and asked if she had to go out again and she did so I opened the garage door again.  I figured she had eaten and now needed to do her business.  I went back to my bedroom and then I heard the thunder so I went back out to the garage but Nitty wasn't back in yet.  Sometimes she lays in the driveway behind my car so I went out in my pj's to get her back in but she wasn't there.  I called her as gently as I could as it was still very early.  She didn't come and it started to rain....I thought for sure she would come in as she doesn't like rain.  She didn't so I threw on some clothes and went out with a flashlight.  By now the rain was really coming down and on top of that we had dense fog.  I went around the whole yard and could not find her.  The lightening was really crackling so I went in as it would do none of us any good if I got hit.  The storm was a strong one and I was heart sick that she was out in it.  I got in my car and went looking...nothing and between the fog and the downpour I could barely see.  I went home and waited till the storm abated and went back out in my car but still could not see her anywhere.  How could she have gotten missed?  I then went on foot with my flashlight but still nothing.  I came back and thought I would wait until it got light.  I went out with the car again when it did and I thought I spotted her in someone's yard so I got out of the car but it was only a tree stump.  There was a woman outside with her dog and she said if Nitty was around her dogs would have been barking up a storm and they hadn't barked at all.  She said she would come over if she spotted her.  I drove all the places we used to walk but I didn't see her.  I came home and called the sheriff and animal control.  I Googled if dogs really do walk off to die and it said they do.  They know when their time is up and instinctively go to hide to avoid predators as they know they are vulnerable.  They say that even if you call them they won't come out from their hiding place and most times it is close by.  It said it is not personal and has nothing to do with how much they loved you but it is still hard to take.  So, armed with this information I headed out to comb the woods surrounding me, looking under bushes going into the bushiest parts of the woods......nada.  I was soaked because the rain had started again but not heavy.  The gullies were full, the land was swampy and the spring that feeds the lake was gushing into the lake.  Across the street the water had flowed over the road and was spilling into the lake.  My feet were soaked so I went home.  I should have seen the signs of her wandering off a few times in the past month but me , who thought she knew dogs....knew nothing.  She was out in that storm and later the sun came out and it was in the 60' s and no more severe weather.  I was grateful but this morning it is 36.  I have gone to the garage and windows 100's of times thinking I will see her but no.  I thought she might show up at supper time but no.  This morning I ran to the window but no Nitty.  The thought of her out in that storm and the cold makes me heart sick.  I am not afraid of putting a dog down as I never want them to suffer but I watched her and Annie closely and tails were wagging and Nitty was ambulatory since the Vetprofin was working great.  I monitored her eating and drinking and her elimination and everything seemed fine so far.  She was even playful at times.  I had made arrangements and if I had thought she was suffering in any way I would have had her put down.  I knew it was coming but this is heart wrenching and not the way I thought we would say goodbye.  To think of her out there wet and cold and alone makes me sick to my stomach.  I've had a lot of dogs in my life and never had one do this.  So, I cry and I pray and I keep looking out the windows.  I will never forget what a wonderful companion, friend and protector she was....I just wish I had been the same for her.  Please forgive me Nitty.