Saturday, July 29, 2017

Evidently gray hair means you are deaf, dumb and blind too!

Okay, I am going totally 'off script' tonight to touch on a topic that unfortunately has become all too prevalent in my life...being patronized as an elder.  I'm usually not too sensitive but then again I stay away from main stream society so I am not exposed to it much.  But on the occasion when I do go out which is usually only to the grocery store I have noticed that each and every time I am treated as if I am 'deaf, dumb and blind'.
The local store is trained to offer help as we live in what used to be a retirement town.  It isn't as much anymore and it certainly has no conveniences for retired folk but I digress.  So, the clerks are all fairly young and always offer to carry out your groceries by asking if you need 'help'.  I refuse but then they come back with 'are you sure'?  One day she even said "this is really heavy, let me get you someone to help you"....I had already refused her twice but she insisted whereby, I asked her why she felt I needed help?  I told her I was not limping, I did not use a walker nor was I in a wheelchair so why did she think I needed help????  She had no answer because if she had answered she would have to admit it was because of my gray hair.  What else could it be?  This has happened more times than I can shake a stick at and today took the cake!  Granted these are store employees who are trying to help but today it was another shopper!
I was looking at pickles and relishes and actually looking for a relish from Oklahoma (we are neighbors and sometimes get products from their state) that Pioneer Woman mentioned in one of her recipes.  I was planning on making her macaroni salad.   As I am perusing the shelves I hear a voice asking me if I needed help "reading".....at first I ignored it but the voice returned louder...after all I have gray hair so I must be deaf!  I looked up and saw a fellow shopper (not an employee) who again asked me if I needed help "reading".  I was in shock and gave her a 'deer in the headlights' look.  I told her no....and asked why would I need help "reading"?  I must admit I was not very kind and I'm sure by then I had a not very nice look on my face and a 'tone' to my voice.  She mumbled something and walked away....thank goodness!  I'm not usually rude or unkind but I am really tired of this patronizing behavior by people and it just seemed to start when my hair started going gray!
Now, many of you would probably think these people are being kind and considerate but I don't take it that way after experiencing it every time I go out in public!  It is patronizing, demoralizing and pathetic that we give so little respect to our elders and treat them like they don't have the sense to come in out of the rain!  Really?
So, the next time you see a person with gray hair, please do not assume they need help or they are weak or deaf or can't read....we will ask if we do need help but most of us have worked hard all our lives, raised children and been through some kind of hell and back again.  You would be wise to listen to us as we have a world of knowledge and wisdom that only comes with gray hair!
P.S.  This will not be read by the people that need to read this because my blogging friends have always treated me with the utmost respect and kindness regardless of their age or mine.  I certainly hope I have not offended anyone by my tirade but I also notice they do not treat older men with gray hair that way.  Okay, I've said enough and no I have not been drinking! LOL!   
Happy Trails!!!  

7 comments:

  1. I empathize! When I turned 50 I had the checkout gal at the grocery store (middle-aged, I might add) ask me if I qualified for the 65 and older discount. I was floored! The next day I started dying my hair! Big mistake and I soon let it go back to natural, but it gave me a glimpse into myself. I have to say I've not had anyone offer to "help" like you describe, but I would feel the same way about it as you if I did.

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    1. Thank you, Leigh! I needed to know I was not 'alone' and after I published it I saw some of the humor in it and wished I had said 'no, I don't need help reading but could you possibly stop by my house and take a look at my leaky roof?' LOL!
      I always think of a million things to say later. What's funny is I don't wear reading glasses....I'm near-sighted! LOL!

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  2. And to make it worse.......you're a woman! Come live in Arizona. We have one of the largest senior citizen populations in the USA. We are totally ignored like we don't exist most of the time. I would like someone offer to help carry my groceries out. The only time that happens is when my hubby is with me.

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    1. At our local store you are not allowed to take a cart outside and the reason they offer to carry them is because they don't want a lawsuit! LOL! They carry my salt bags for my softner out...they don't allow you to carry them out by yourself but guess who has to carry it to the house and put it in the softner....MOI! And I do! I wanted to tell her that they are still using a program I wrote to inspect the F-16 fighter planes that are still in use today but I'm sure that would have gone right over her head.

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  3. I agree! Granted, I am "only" 57, but I have had people treat me either as if I am completely helpless, a complete idiot, or as Marsha said, I am totally ignored. Why does it have to be one or the other. Feel free to send out a tirade when you feel the need. I think you're only saying what most of us have experienced.
    Blessings,
    Betsy

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    1. Thank you, Betsy! I can't believe women still need to speak up and stand out in this day and age. But the fact that we are still fighting for equal pay in this country says a lot. There are other countries that are so far ahead of ours when it comes to women's issues, rights, respect and dignity. There's always room for improvement so if I can shine a light then 'shine' I will! LOL!

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